


i know it's random, how you've been?

by lategenocide



Series: this is keshi. [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Emotions, M/M, based on keshi's right here, i wrote this at 2am, soft angst, soft? more or less, taken place after breakup, unsummoned feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:55:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lategenocide/pseuds/lategenocide
Summary: huang renjun looked blankly at his ringing phone- na jaemin written on the caller’s id like a ghost haunting him. he thought of the other’s stupid smile and his soft hair, the words falling out of his mouth like pretty rose petals. - but oh, na jaemin was a rose, a vibrant, lively, eternal rose, but roses have thorns despite how lovely they may be, and na jaemin’s thorns were especially sharp.renjun didn’t pick up the phone, but jaemin left him a voicemail.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Series: this is keshi. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746751
Comments: 7
Kudos: 42





	i know it's random, how you've been?

**Author's Note:**

> im tired of my brain thank you

huang renjun looked blankly at his ringing phone- na jaemin written on the caller’s id like a ghost haunting him. he thought of the other’s stupid smile and his soft hair, the words falling out of his mouth like pretty rose petals. - but oh, na jaemin was a rose, a vibrant, lively, eternal rose, but roses have thorns despite how lovely they may be, and na jaemin’s thorns were especially sharp.

renjun didn’t pick up the phone, but jaemin left him a voicemail.

despite his rational mind, renjun still listened to it, yearning for the familiar sound of jaemin’s voice.

“hey, junnie. you haven’t picked up the last two times, but it’s okay- i know you’re busy. i’ve been listening to an artist you like. his songs remind me of you. that’s all, i miss you.” the recording stopped there, and renjun sighed, deleted the voicemail and pushed his phone away. god, he hated his lingering affections for the man named na jaemin.

late summer turned into fall, which in turn made renjun change his wardrobe. plain tee-shirts became soft sweaters and coats instead. and yet his relationship with na jaemin was a different kind of situation.

jaemin had always been a friendly person, easy to get along with. it hadn’t been long since they had broken up, just a couple months, but as renjun accidentally passed by him on campus, he was surrounded by people he didn’t recognize, laughing like the world was his and no worries had ever befallen him.

frankly, it wasn’t all that surprising for someone like jaemin. even so, renjun paused when his eyes fell on him, on the faded blue and upwards curve of his lips. - and as if drawn by renjun’s gaze, jaemin glanced at his direction. the world paused in that moment, a small, tender moment.

renjun’s heart thumped against his ribcage- his brain and heart had always been at odds with relationships. even now, as jaemin shot him a smile, all of his thoughts were taken up by the emotional part of him, thinking about how stupidly pretty jaemin’s smile was.

he couldn’t wait to get over him.

it was a messy breakup.

they didn’t cheat on each other, but somehow, the alternative was worse. it was a fight- another one, about how jaemin was far too jealous. it was just donghyuck. donghyuck, who renjun had known half his life, was his best friend, his mother’s other son. renjun refused to give up his best friend of ten years because of na jaemin, and so- the relationship ended.

renjun didn’t bother to check jaemin’s dorm for his belongings. he was sparse with his belongings and yet unbeknownst to him, when he shut the door behind him, calm, quiet and virtually undetectable- the same way that renjun had entered jaemin’s life- he left with a piece of jaemin’s soul.

renjun wasn’t as fiery bright with people as jaemin was- he was more a chilling storm, perfectly calm when unprovoked, always with a sense of danger, but when it rained, renjun was hell to coax down to a sprinkle.

in a sense, the two opposites attract.

he had a new boyfriend.

six months had passed. jaemin’s boyfriend was only someone renjun vaguely recognized, an acquaintance from school. lee jeno. the fact that they looked good together was a bittersweet thing, something that renjun buried along with his stubborn vines of feeling for jaemin.

it had been six months, you’d think he’d be at least a bit over him by now. - but fate was a cruel, cruel thing, so renjun watched silently as na jaemin and lee jeno stared at each other fondly, then calmly, apathetically sent a congratulatory text to him later, jaemin’s let’s be friends again? Lingering on his mind.

this was what friends did- congratulate each other on finding loving relationships.

jaemin’s thank you in response was a littler duller than how he normally would have replied, but renjun didn’t take notice.

nearly a month later, renjun opened his door to jaemin.

of course he was surprised, staring dumbfoundedly at jaemin’s expression. the male was much taller- wider than renjun was, but when the despondent “hi,” fell out of his mouth, renjun already knew it was about.

jaemin had once said only renjun really understood his troubles with his family. without a word, renjun fixed him a warm drink, careful to avoid any caffeine and added sweet pastries- renjun, ever the nerd, knew from somewhere that when one was sad, they naturally craved sugar. renjun quietly fed that craving as he sat by jaemin, listening to him start to ramble.

jaemin’s pain was expressed not through his voice, but by the lights out expressions, his tense posture. he never let anything leak through his voice, but with renjun, he could. listening to the broken glass that was jaemin’s voice, renjun felt the familiar deja vu of his own similar problems.

in the end, renjun didn’t say much, but he didn’t need to- all jaemin ever needed with this was someone to listen and silently sympathize- and well, if renjun gave his hand a squeeze and slipped him a small bag of pastries, then jaemin wouldn’t deny that having renjun was a blessing.

life became busy. - renjun’s work piled up as fast he worked himself through them. he threw himself in school like nothing mattered, even if he regarded his classes with the same distaste he gave to rotting fruits- all to ignore jaemin.

the thing was, it wasn’t that jaemin had done anything wrong sense their breakup- he’d been perfectly civil, normal- just renjun’s friend and nothing more. it felt like they were both holding back with each other in some aspects, and renjun wasn’t ready to face that. he didn’t want to think about all the things that weren’t quite right.

he didn’t blink an eye when jaemin broke up with jeno just two months into the relationship= jaemin said it was a mutual thing, so renjun never pushed. of course, he didn’t see the disappointed glint in jaemin’s eyes.

he was busy.

but why was jaemin standing at the doorway of his dorm room, cautiously hopefulness gleaming in his eyes?

“jaemin.”

renjun’s voice was confused but quiet- there was no hostility.

“can i come in?” he asked.

renjun moved silently out of his way and jaemin stepped inside. - the atmosphere between them was a fuzzy, ambiguous one. along the way, they had both warped and changed in that way lovers do when they separate, molded and reshaped by their experiences with each other. renjun pretended not to notice the heavy, blatant stare as he closed his laptop and books.

“do you want something to drink?” renjun asked out of habit, but he felt no offense when jaemin shook his head. - he took a seat in his chair, just perfect across from jaemin. the other had re-dyed his hair back to the bright blue, the locks brushed and soft like renjun knew they were- from personal experience.

they were an example of two different people, one as sharp yet languid as the brief moments of peace between violent storms- often becoming those storms. the other thrived in the sun, clouds filling the sky sparsely, heated, yet romanticized.

silence reigned for a while.

“can i kiss you?” - na jaemin’s question came like a bullet out of nowhere, piercing renjun in his heart as he blinked. he stared at the blue haired male before him with a complicated expression.

“why?” he asked ini return finally, wondering if he had heard wrong. jaemin wasn’t the type of person to be kissing others at random, no matter how he seemed like a player with his vibrant, charismatic looks.

luckily- or unluckily, depending on how one looked at the situation, for renjun, jaemin’s reply was blunt, “i still have feelings for you. huang renjun, i’m in love with you.”

renjun could not be blamed for the unsuspected, “huh?” that fell out of his lips- his stared, still and shocked at jaemin, feeling the pressure of all his more or less suppressed emotion well up all at once, rushing adrenaline to his veins until he was buzzing.

renjun nodded, speechlessly, but jaemin didn’t waste their time waiting for renjun to find his voice again.

he crossed the short distance between them, cradled renjun’s face in his hands delicately and pressed their lips together.

somehow, it made renjun’s puzzle pieces click together.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is appreciated :>  
> twt: nvmjoonies


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